Pussy Eating Rule #1

I have been counselling a couple of close male friends in the wake of their second failed marriages and I just learned that both of them have something in common:

Both of them do not know how to eat pussy!

Now I don't know what their problem is, but I personally love to snuggle my nose in pubic hair, then smell and eat pussy! And I always have!

And all that being said, I am unlike most men, very selective in getting private with a woman.

Meaning, I let a lot of women slip through my fingers simply because I love to make women smile, and I am unlike most men who live to ride every camel who passes them by. Now, don't get me wrong because I love to look at the humps, the bumps, and the camel toes, but I am very selective about spreading the legs and saddling up and riding the camel bareback.

Now regarding the two most important rules when dealing with women.
Rule #1: She always comes first. And rule #2: I do not kiss and tell.

Rule #2 should be self-explanatory, in that men should protect women and not brag about their sexual conquests because doing so could ruin a sweet innocent woman's reputation.

Rule #1 could be interpreted in many ways such as being considerate and always putting her needs first.

And like in fatherhood, when you marry, your needs and your life is over! You now live for those children and their mother.

And sooo... sexually speaking, she always 'cums' first because it is a lot harder for a woman to have an orgasm than it is for a man.

And if all you care about is getting your rocks off and she must then satisfy herself, you are not being fair or considerate and putting her sexual needs first and foremost. BTW guys, when she spreads her legs and allows you to enter the portal to heaven, she is giving you 'EVERYTHING' she has!

Now, I am certain that a lot of marriages fail due to issues with money, but right after that statistically speaking is sexual satisfaction OR THE LACK OF SEXUAL SATISFACTION!.

So I imagine there could be many objections to oral sex such as religion, and may I give you guys some advise: GET OVER IT or suffer the consequences!

Before we get into rule #1, because I am a Cajun stand up comedian,  please allow me to share some Cajun humor which is being written phonetically.

Bear in mind that the Cajun language is a blend of French and English and because there is no 'th' sound in French, when we try to talk English, every 'ting' comes out: dis, dat, dem, dere and doze.

~The Muskrat Joke~
One cole, wet, rainy night in November, Boudreaux and Marie wuz goin to visit da in-laws along the coast through the saltwater marsh in Peecawn Island when Boudreaux run over sumptin in da road.

He back up and put da lights on it to see what it wuz.

He come back wit sumptin in his
hand and said: "Look Marie, I dun run over a momma muskrat and she had sum babies and I caught one!"

She said: "Awwww Boudreaux, he is so cute, can we take him home for be our pet?"

He said: "Sure." and he handed it to her. As dey went on dere way, she said: "Boudreaux he is all cold, and wet and shiverin like dat. What can we do to warm him up?"

To which he replied; " Just put him between your legs Marie."
Marie exclaimed; " But Boudreaux, it stink!"

And... His reply; "just pinch his little nose."

Ladies this is just a test, and I hope, you have a sense of humor. And may I remind you, I am trying to teach the men here, so don't take it personally. Thank you!
It is a scientific fact that men learn more when they are having fun!


Another common objection to oral sex, could be an objection to the smell, and guys, that goes both ways for men and women! Sooo, here is where the #1 Rule in eating pussy comes in.

Pussy eating rule #1. But dat ting in da warm tub and wash it well with some mild soap and while you are at it... I suggest you wash her down EVERYWHERE first and tell her what you about to do to her when you are finished bathing her. (Hint: women love the anticipation and absolutely adore a man with a plan) That is right, soap up her crotch and then wash her arms, and her legs and her back, neck, shoulders, breasts, and belly very slowly and deliberately taking time to smooch with her periodically along the way... Rinse, and soap it up again, then rinse, and give her a hand up, and very tenderly, dry her everywhere. Now hold her hand, walk her to the bed, lay her down and smooch wit her mouth first and then her pussy very slow giving extra care to gently lick the little tip at the top of her vagina with the tip of your tongue. And now after patiently sharing your kisses and your tongue with her, ask her in the softest sexiest voice you have, if the 'Pussy Whisperer' knows pussy!

One more thing, before you go down on her, and after the bath when you lay her down in bed, massage and oil her body with cocoanut or olive oil and slowly kiss her neck and ears...